This PokemonGo game is sweeping the nation. Some people love it, and some people hate it. For me, though, I just don’t really get it.

The game itself makes enough sense I guess, you catch the magic animals and you put them in tiny prison balls. Simple. The part I don’t get is; when you get a whole bunch of Pokemon, you give them to this guy called “The Professor” and in turn… he gives you tiny little candy balls that are the same color as the Pokemon you gave to him.

Is The Professor grinding up my Pokemon and turning them into delicious treats? Is he some kind of mad scientist who hates magic and wonder? Is this some Soylent Green sort of shit?

I may never learn the reason he wants to kill all the Pokemon, but I DO know that I spent all this time catching those little fuckers and now all I have is a bowl of pikachu flavored jawbreakers and no clue what to do with them. I do love hard candies, though. Diabetes, I choose you.